Jaime Marie Matson’s Womanifesta
I hate to start out my womanifesto by mentioning a boy, but it was this
lovely
little boy who has caused my seemingly subsided feministic personality to
flare up like an a bomb. On this rather frightful sunday evening he pulled
a
good one, real good. I quote, “blah blah blah....all this coming from
an
female it took me about a month to deprogram feminist bullshit out of.” “less
than a month” This was just after he called me annoying and asked me
to fuck
off for awhile so he could watch t.v.
I am enraged.
I was walked on.
I allowed it.
But my anger will lead only to my own prosperity. That is what my anger
will
do. It will not tear me apart, it will not damage my soul, it will not
determine who I am.
My anger will force meditation that i have consistantly avoided. My anger
will
drive me to peace. Damn it.
I will not apologize to you or anyone else unless i see fit. And I will
take
back an apology if I want to. It was mine to give and mine to snatch back
if
I fucked up in giving it. And you can call me a hypocrite until the cows
come
home....I will be content with myself.
I will allow myself to fall short of what I expect. But I will not allow
myself to ultimately give up. If that means I live a lifetime of
disappointment after disappointment then so be it, I will never give up on
becoming the woman I know lies within.
I will never hope to live up to what anyone else expects of me. I will not
conform to expectations.
Fuck you.
I don’t have to explain to you why I wear so much make-up. I’ll wear it
and
enjoy it and never once feel like I’m hiding something just cause I happen
to
like mascara and dark red lips. I’ll be girlee and sing jewel songs and give
make-overs and god damn it I will gossip. Shut up.
I will learn to love myself using my own hands. But until that day I will
make passionate love to my shower massage until I twitch. I will tell you,
man or woman, how to please me. I will walk you through my body as if it
were
a garden or a museum. I’ll fake it if I have to you awkward dicked shit head.
Did I mention I’d get angry?
I will laugh at things that shouldn’t be laughed at. I will laugh at my
life,
beliefs and feelings. I will find something hysterical in the gravest of
situtations. I will not give a shit.
I will find “god” when “he” shows me whats up. I will
believe in the
evolution of all species until the day I die. I will believe that I have
no
clue what happens to us after life seeing as how I’ve never died. I will
defend my beliefs in not having any beliefs. I will not die for them.
I will always find great humor, disgust and utter stupidity in the idea
of
this legendary “god” being a white man...funny how that has worked
out.
I will make biased statements that I shouldn’t. I won’t apologize.
I will make thousands of mistakes and feel like shit about it. I will make
unforgiveable mistakes and be forgiven.
I will sigh. I will ask for help when I don’t need it. I will cry useless
tears and never regret them.
I will hurt others as they have hurt me. I will be ruthless. I will seek
revenge. I will be a bad girl that you hate to love. or love to hate.
I will have shortcomings and I will fall into voids. I will join the
majority and go against the grain. I will use foul language and not cover
my
mouth. I will sneeze on you if you fart in my direction.
I will read more. I will expand my vocabulary. I will expand my pornography
collection.
I will always love myself for only what I am. I can not love Jaime for what
Jaime does not represent. I will give you contol.
And I will take it back.
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