Halima Bowens’ Womanifesto
I have always been female. Since the day I was born, my gender was obvious and evident. Frilly pink dresses, bows in my hair, black Mary Janes with silver buckles in the winters, and white ones with gold buckles in the spring. I was a girl, a daughter, a sister and a best friend to another who was a girl just like me. I suffered through training bras and agonized over bleeding once a month like it was the end of the world. I fought with my weight, my mother, my clothes, and my hair. I was good at English and until the 9th grade, sucked at math, just like everyone expected. Just like girls were supposed to. I was a typical girl.
Nine years ago, I waited on the magic that was supposed to turn me into a woman at midnight. But at midnight, just like Cinderella's pumpkin became a pumpkin, I remained a girl. Now 9 years after my 18th, I was still a girl. How could that be? After rape, domestic violence, eating disorders an illness that all but claimed my womb I was still a girl. What I didn't understand is that the girlhood to womanhood transition isn't contained in a number. It can't be plotted on a timeline or assigned to a certain point in one's life. Womanhood isn't first bras, first periods, loss of virginity, marriage or children. It certainly isn't 18th birthdays. Womanhood can't be defined in this way. A girl knows she's a woman because something changes and she begins to feel like one.
It wasn't that long ago when I started considering myself a woman because I didn't want to call myself a woman until I could be a woman unapologetically. Unapologetic womanhood comes with a lot of responsibilities that are huge, and they aren't the ones people think about. It's not children or husbands, wives or careers. It's bigger than those things. Being a woman unapologetically for me meant finding my own voice, standing up for my convictions in the face of opposition, and accepting my gender without the shackles of shame the world tries to force me to wear. I wanted to be ready to face the world with a headstrong and heart strong “Yes I AM a woman!” attitude. When the time came, I felt the change. I can't explain it to you because I'm still understanding it myself but I know now that I am a woman. I'm not afraid of it or ashamed of it. Being a woman for me is an honor. Being an unapologetic woman is phenomenal.
So, I'm making my declaration..
Yes, I am a woman. Furthermore, I am a woman, unapologetically. I am a woman
who refuses to settle. I won't say I'm sorry that my body has curves, has
breasts and bleeds once a month because the people who want me to don't realize
that my curves have loved, my breasts will nurture, and when my body bleeds,
it's bleeding life. I will not accept a culture that glorifies rape and the
abuse and exploitation of my gender and laughs at me or slaps me down for
saying or doing anything to change it. I won't teach my future goddess-daughters
and nieces to play nice and act like ladies if that still translates as “shut
your mouth and be unheard while abuses mount up against you and form something
you could never hope to overcome” I am a woman wise and a woman strong
and in a society where being a woman is a crime, I'm striving to be Public
Enemy Number One. I am a woman unapologetically and as a woman, I am free.
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